The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
