one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
