420 ftw
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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