yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
