Just cropdusted the office
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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