we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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