I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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