Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Randomize
