3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
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I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
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But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I deserve this hangover.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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