How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
