god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
