I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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