I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
