You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
