what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
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He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
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Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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