my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
