I think scott just propositioned me for sex
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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