I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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