he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
