i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
