yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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