She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
