Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
