I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
