She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
