Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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