and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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