I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize