did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
