This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
