I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
