I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
