i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
