This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
