somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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