I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
