waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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