just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
