how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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