Apparently you make a good broom.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
