i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
