I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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