So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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