hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
