I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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