And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
