Can Purell be used as lube?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
