Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
