i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
