Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
