How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
