Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
