Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
