All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
