Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
