I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
