just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
