I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
