so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
