just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
