i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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