i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
