phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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