I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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