Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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