I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
