Come see our sink grown plant.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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