life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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