He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
