I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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