need another drink. this is the easiest way
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
